Along with these I also had a lot of ought to’s, should’s and, supposed to’s poured into me at the same time.

And I accepted it all. I didn’t really think about alternatives.

And along the way I picked up ‘baggage’ which weighed me down.

For example, from a very young age, I was always trying to prove how bright and perfect I was – to hide the fact that I thought I was anything but.

And then the ‘single me’ met and married Mike from South Africa. Mike too had his own beliefs (which, I might add he held on to stubbornly) and his own baggage.

We were still individuals but there was now a third ‘person’ in the relationship: US.

And over time the ‘me’ that was ‘me’ when I married Mike changed because of the influence of Mike and US.

And then when Mike passed, there was no more US and no more Mike.  And the ‘me’ in the relationship could no longer be ‘me’ as that ‘me’ relied on there being a Mike and an US.

Consequently, after Mike passed, I started to wonder “Who am I?”

I couldn’t go back to who I was before I married Mike as that person no longer exists.

It was time to find and redefine myself.

So since Mike passed, I’ve been thinking about the new me and what it would look like. It’s been a slow process. A lot has to do with not wanting to let go. I’ve been holding on with my fingernails to how it used-to-be.

And then when I removed my wedding ring (BIG step), it came to me that now was the time to start with a blank slate and redefine the new me from there.

So, I’m approaching life from now with a blank slate and a beginner’s mind.

For me there are no ought to’s, should’s, supposed to’s.

I don’t want to believe things because everyone else does.

I don’t want to do things because everyone else does.

If that’s what normal is, then I don’t want to be normal.

I want to look for different ways of being and thinking.

I want not-normal results.

So, it’s almost like I’m doing a reset on myself.

Very exciting and scary all mixed up.

Now I’ve got my blank slate and it’s up to me now to “consciously” choose my beliefs, my habits, and the life I want to live.

I want to go on an amazing adventure and play full out living my life.  I want to BE HAPPY.

Come along for the ride!

=======

Come join the ride and conversation in my Facebook Group.  CLICK HERE.